


Don't Go Away

by GaleTheSnail



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:00:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaleTheSnail/pseuds/GaleTheSnail
Summary: All characters belong to Rae Earl. We fast forward 10 years after the series 3 finale. Rae thinks back to what has happened over the past 10 years and a possible move back to Lincolnshire….I hope it makes sense. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Rae Earl/Finn Nelson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Transferring my old stories from Fanfiction in an effort to actually finish them. This one is from five years ago. Hopefully it still holds up.

Who would have thought that Rae Earl had her shit together in the year 2008? Certainly not Rae. Yet here it was, 2008, and she had a brilliant new job, great friends, and not one but two amazing boyfriends. Sure one of those boyfriends was a poster of the delicious James Franco that she refused to take down from her bedroom wall. However, the other boyfriend was very real and very fit.

For the last 10 months Rae had been with Aiden. They met at a University of Bristol Alumni dinner that Rae's old Performing Arts professor begged her to attend. Rae walked in expecting a boring evening with a bunch of stuffy alumni, but walked out with the phone number of Bristol's youngest (and cutest) professors. Since then, the two had been inseparable. Aiden was the quiet and serious type, but Rae loosened him right up in no time.

Rae didn't expect anything serious from Aiden. Actually, to be honest, Rae didn't expect that _she_ would get serious with anyone anytime soon. Rae had been through the University dating scene and had her fun. She had run through the gambit of crushes, casual flings, and a couple of attempts at serious relationships. All of the above had ended with an insipid washout. Either Rae had ended things quickly, not wanting to waste her time, or they would end things saying Rae's attention was too preoccupied with her friends back home. Whatever!

Now, Rae had someone who she could really connect with. Aiden was sweet, funny, smart, and (it had to be said) hot! He wasn't as knowledgeable with music as Rae would have liked, but not everyone's perfect. Aiden and Rae were standing in Rae's bedroom getting ready for an event Rae didn't think would ever come…Izzy and Chop's wedding. 10 years on and Izzy and Chop had finally reached this day. Rae was nervously fiddling with her luggage while Aiden called out a checklist of everything they needed.

"Let's see, we have our toothbrushes, clothes, underwear, deodorant, batteries, flashlights…." Aiden trailed on.

"Babe, we're not going on a trip to a cave; it's a wedding. What do we need all this other stuff for?" Rae asked, annoyed.

"You never know what might happen. No such thing as being too prepared." Aiden retorted.

"Whatever, let's just get our asses moving. We're going to be late," Rae complained.

"What are you so pissy about? We're making good time here. Relax a little," Aiden said angrily.

"Look, I'm sorry. It's just been a long time since I've been back home. I'm just nervous and excited to see everyone again, and I really need to know if I'm making the right choice about moving back there," Rae admitted.

Aiden gave her a hug. "Listen, the distance is just for a short time. Moving back to Lincolnshire for this new job is an amazing opportunity for you. If I get this teaching job in Stamford, then we'll be together in no time. Don't worry," Aiden reassured.

Rae didn't want to tell Aiden that she was more worried about some of the old faces back home more than the new job or the distance between the two of them. This would be the first time she had seen Finn since her new relationship began. It shouldn't matter at this point; they had both long since moved on. Finn, she knew, was in a long-term relationship at the moment. A couple of years ago he met a girl named Amber. She seemed sweet enough, and Rae was happy for Finn. So why was she so nervous to see him again? They were friends. Rae thought back to the time when she first started University, and tried her best to stay close to the gang.

Bristol proved to be a home away from home. Similar to her release from hospital, Rae had struggled to find a place for herself at University, but soon found solace with a small group of friends. They partied, revised, and had endless fun, but there was no substitute for her "Stanford" gang. They would come to visit as often as possible, but she missed them terribly throughout the years.

Izzy and Chop would only pop in when they had a huge argument that they wanted Rae to help settle, Archie would fill her in on the guys he was dating, Chloe would visit to boast about how well she was doing at business school, and Finn would stop by, what seemed to be, twice a month.

Rae was overjoyed that Finn took her up on her proposal to remain friends. Despite how much they loved each other in the past, it was difficult for Finn and Rae to work through their personal problems _and_ be in a relationship. Rae used University as a chance to move forward and start over, and it worked. Never had she felt more independent and capable of handling the constant bullshit that seemed to fly her way on a daily basis.

At first, Rae found it slightly odd to see Finn pop up so often, but the need to maintain their friendship and the delight she had about seeing a familiar face caused her not to question his presence. Even though it didn't seem possible, their friendship improved as well. With the barrier of being just friends, and the distance between them, Finn did not succumb to the need of taking on all of Rae's issues. Each time he came to visit her, the previous pressures of a relationship faded; they could just have fun.

The only time things got weird for Rae and Finn is when University ended, and Rae chose not to head back to Lincolnshire. It was never explicitly stated, but the assumption of Rae, her family, and friends, was that Rae would head back to Lincolnshire after taking the time to spread her wings. When she told Finn she would be staying in Bristol for a job in a music studio, he gave her a hollow 'Congratulations'. When she moved in with three roommates, his visits shortened from twice a month to twice a year.

She couldn't really blame him to be honest. Rae wasn't too sure how he could constantly make the 3 and a half hour trip so regularly anyway, but she had to admit that it stung a little when he stopped coming so often. They still spoke all of the time, but she missed his smile, his laugh, his big brown puppy eyes, and the way he always made her feel safe. Not that she was still in love with him or anything, but he was her best mate. Therefore, the thought of seeing him for the first time in nearly a year had her a little nervous. Now that her new job would place her back in Lincolnshire, she wasn't sure where their friendship stood. She would soon find out….


	2. Chapter 2

Despite the long and uneventful trip, Rae hesitated to exit the car. She and Aiden had finally arrived at her mum and stepfather's home in Lincolnshire. Aiden had already hopped out to stretch, and Rae reluctantly followed his lead. Instead of knocking on the door, Rae stood transfixed by the sight of her childhood home. On the other side of that door waited embarrassing stories about Rae at age 8, several back-handed compliments about her weight and appearance, Karim pawing at her mum in front of company, a barrage of questions fired at Aiden about their sex life, and a multitude of other horrors that Rae couldn't even begin to fathom.

"Rae? Rae? RAE?!" Aiden raised his voice, slightly worried. "You alright?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," Rae reassured. Aiden continued walking toward the door before he was immediately halted. Rae quickly grabbed his arm and stared at him with a look of impending doom.

"Everything is fine, but just be prepared. Mum is very sweet, and she means well, but she can also be a right pain in the arse. And as we both know, I won't be sprouting flowers and sunshine from my bumhole any time soon. If she and I start rowing, DO NOT get involved. Just run away as far as your skinny little legs will take you," Rae warned.

Aiden pulled her into a warm hug, kissing the top of her forehead. Rae took a minute to breathe him in. She took care to notice how he smelled of soap, fresh laundry, and a scent belonging to just him. Rae found the smell to be scarily intoxicating.

"It'll be fine Rachel. In less than an hour we'll be out of the house and meeting your friends at the pub. In a few days your new place will be ready and the craziness will be over," Aiden reassured.

"Ok. Let's just get this weekend going," Rae sighed.

For some unknown reason he would refer to Rae by her actual name. At first it was just to tease her because she hated it, but for some reason he kept it going. Rae kind of enjoyed it though; it made her feel more mature; like she was a grown up in a grown up relationship. Rae would get annoyed by how serious and dry Aiden could be, but in times like this she could really appreciate his rational thinking. With great effort she peeled away from Aiden's inviting grasp. She didn't think she should start her return to Lincolnshire by sexually devouring her boyfriend in the driveway of her mom's home. With a deep breath and a new resolve, Rae walked to the door and knocked.

After a few moments the door flew open. Rae's mum squealed in delight and began ushering them in frantically. "Come in, come in! Oh my goodness, Rae you look gorgeous. So that new diet is finally taking effect?" Linda asked innocently.

"Lovely mum. I'm not in the door two seconds and you're taking the piss?" Rae questioned, annoyed.

"Alright, alright. Relax. I'm not taking the piss. Can't your mum pay you a compliment without you thinking I'm the worst person in the world?" Linda asked.

"Well if I could get through the door without one your snarky remarks, then I think…." Rae began.

"Ladies, ladies can we please…umm…take a chill?" Karim popped in from the kitchen. "Rae it's so nice to see you. Come give hug," Karim requested.

Where Karim had years and years of practice with Linda and Rae, Aiden sat back in awkward silence not knowing exactly how to handle the situation. Karim, noticing the quiet young man standing in his living room, offered his hand to shake attempting to quell the awkwardness of the moment. "Hello. My name is Karim, and you must be Aiden. How are you?" Karim questioned.

"Yes, hello Karim. I've heard so much about you. It's nice to finally meet," Aiden retorted, thankful for the distraction.

Seeing the introduction, Rae rolled her eyes and sighed at the terrible start Aiden had gotten to meet her family. "Mum this is Aiden. Aiden this is my mum Linda," Rae quickly introduced. Linda rushed over with a smile on her face, the previous squabble obviously forgotten. Linda embraced Aiden in a hug.

"Hi Aiden. Please forget the terrible things you have heard about me so far and allow me to welcome you into our home. Dinner is ready so let's just sit down and get to know each other," Linda suggested.

Rae, Linda, and Aiden lumbered to the dining room in silence as Karim went to grab the food. Once the table was set, everyone seemed to settle in.

"So, Aiden, Rae tells us that you work over at Uni?" Linda began.

"Yes that's correct," Aiden answered

"You're a bit older than Rae. Do you often date younger girls with limited sexual experience?" Linda asked.

"Christ, mum! Can we at least make it through a meal without you asking about us getting off with each other?" Rae cried across the table.

"Well, I don't mean to be rude. You seem like a nice enough lad, but I just want to make sure you're not taking advantage of my daughter. You don't mind the questions, right Aiden?" Linda questioned.

"Well, I….uhhhh," Aiden stammered.

"How about a change in conversation? What's been going on around here?" Rae asked looking frustrated.

"Well nothing much. Although, it's been quite a buzz since you announced that you were coming back to Lincolnshire. Everyone has been asking about you," Linda announced.

"Really, like who?" Rae asked, her interest peaked.

"Well, the usual suspects of course. Chloe rang a few times. Izzy and Chop wanted to make sure that you were definitely coming back for the wedding. Oh and Archie is excited to see you as well," Linda said nonchalantly.

"Anyone else?" Rae asked slightly hopeful.

"Yeah, Finn has stopped by quite a few times to ask if you're really coming back for good, and to help around the house a little," Linda admitted. Linda looked up with a knowing face to see Rae look down at her plate sheepishly while Aiden glared in confusion at Rae.

"Is this the infamous Finn that I hear so much about?" Aiden asked quietly

"Yeah, well you'll get to meet the whole gang at the pub. Remember?" Rae asked

Dinner moved quickly after that. Linda started a terribly embarrassing story about Rae involving super glue, a chair, and a pair of ripped pants. Rae used that time to cringe inwardly, then tune her mother out completely. Rae began having second and third thoughts about letting Aiden and her mother meet in the first place. "I should have just hidden him in the boot of the car until it was time to go to the wedding," Rae thought. As her mum began to babble Rae's mind started racing. She hoped that things would fare better with the gang. She couldn't wait to see everyone again, but she still felt incredibly nervous to be around them for a reason she couldn't quite pinpoint. Rae had regularly visited her friends throughout the years, so why was it so nerve-wracking to meet them with Aiden in tow? Despite being nervous, Rae pulled Aiden out of the front door as soon as the last bite of dinner was done.

Rae felt a wave of déjà vu as she pushed open the door to Chippy's. Rae could hear the Beastie Boys blasting through the karaoke machine as though it was meant for her. The people of Lincolnshire knew she was finally home. To make her homecoming complete, the first view she had was of all of her old friends at their table as though not one day had passed.

There was an audible yell of excited acknowledgement as Chop, Izzy, Chloe, and Archie popped right up to greet her. They all took turns wrapping her into long hugs. The only person who didn't get up immediately was Finn. Finn, who Rae noticed, was sitting next to his girlfriend Amber. He continued to stare at Rae as she hugged each member of the gang. It was almost as if he couldn't make himself believe that she was really there.

"Hiya Finn. How are you?" Rae asked

As though being shaken from a long train of thought, Finn shook himself and stood up to hug Rae. Rae had nearly forgotten what it was like to hug Finn; it was an otherworldly experience. Being best mates with Finn had many advantages, but one of the best had to be his hugs. No one gave hugs like Finn; they were warm, caring, tight, comforting, and almost sentient. Finn always knew exactly what mood she was in after a 5 second hug….it was pretty eerie. After what seemed like ages, the two broke apart from one another. For a moment they continued to stare at each other.   
"It's good to see you Rae. You look so different from the last time I saw you," Finn commented. 

Rae wasn't quite sure how to breathe anymore. Finn was taking time to scan every inch of her face as though searching for something. Catching her bearings, Rae responded with half a smirk, "Well, it's the new me. I'm a grown up now in case you didn't get the memo." 

Finn gave a small smile, but continued to stare as if waiting for Rae to say something more profound. As long as Rae had known Finn, she couldn't figure him out 100%, and she could honestly say she knew him better than anyone. She stared at those big brown eyes trying to figure out what to say next when her thoughts were interrupted by the clearing of a throat. Rae turned around and mentally kicked herself for failing to introduce Aiden for the second time in one day.

"Shit. I am so sorry. Everyone, this is Aiden. Aiden this is everyone," Rae quickly explained. Rae and Aiden pulled up seats between Finn and Chloe as everyone said their 'hellos.' Looking to break the awkward silence that had befallen the group, Rae piped in; So Izzy, Chop are you excited about the big day?

"Course we are Raemundo. Everything is planned, packed, and ready to go," Chop reassured. "Everyone already knows our wedding is going to be the party to end all parties. No other experience will ever compare. What we really want to hear about, is how you met this handsome lad over here," Chop slyly asked gesturing to Aiden.

"Well, it's not a big story is it?" Aiden began. "We met up at University during a big alumni dinner. There was one of our professors up giving a bit of a speech, and droning on a bit. I got distracted by a girl in the corner pulling faces and rolling her big, beautiful eyes. I fell in love immediately, and spent the rest of the night trying to pluck up the courage to talk to her. Finally, after catching me stare at her for the hundredth time she walked up and gave me her phone number. Rachel's been keeping me on my toes ever since," Aiden finished with a warm smile to Rae.

Aiden's story was met with a genuine "Aww, that's so sweet!" from Chloe, Izzy, and Amber. 

Chop piped in with a more sarcastic, "Aww, you guys are just adorable…" As the table filled with laughter at Chop's silliness, Rae was distracted by a finger on her leg. Finn, who sat in curious silence throughout the story, began writing a message to Rae in their trademark code under the table. Rae could not help but look down with a sheepish grin at the familiarity she and Finn shared. She could pay attention to nothing else as Finn began to spell out 'RACHEL?' Rae simply looked over at the incredulous look on Finn's face and gave a slight shrug before turning her attention back to the rest of the table.

"So Rae, is it official? Are you definitely moving back to Lincolnshire then?" Chloe asked

"Well…." Rae teased "….I am absolutely moving back to Lincolnshire." A collective cheer echoed around as everyone pounded their glasses against the table. For the first time in a long time, Rae felt good and settled. She looked around to see the smiles on the faces of her old friends…this felt like normal. The only person not cheering was a subdued Aiden.   
"So Aiden," Chop began "are you moving here as well to make an honest woman out of our little Raemundo here?" Chop was met with a noticeable slap to the arm by his bride to be, Izzy, as the rest of the table began to groan. Rae and Aiden shifted uncomfortably in their chairs, clearly not wanting to discuss their situation at that moment.

"Well after the wedding, my flat will be ready, and next week Aiden will be helping me make the big move," Rae announced.

Aiden answered the open question, "Once I find a job here in Stamford, I will be moving in with Rae."

"Alright, so you'll be making an honest woman out of her then?" Chop asked oblivious to the glares he was getting. "Maybe they'll be two weddings less than a year apart…"

The conversation was interrupted by Finn abruptly rising from his seat. "I'm just going to grab another beer." Without another word, Finn walked off. Both Rae and Amber stared after him wondering what was wrong, but before Amber had a chance to think twice, Rae was up from her seat declaring she needed a drink as well.

Rae made her way over to the bar, bee-lining to Finn. "What is the matter with you today?" Rae asked looking annoyed.

"What do you mean?" Finn questioned, not looking Rae in the eye.

"I can tell you're in a shit mood, but I was hoping you would pull together enough to say more than two words to your best mate who you haven't seen in almost a year," Rae spat out.

"Who says I'm in a shit mood Rachel?" Finn said with more venom than he realized.

"Fine. Be an utter twat if you like. I don't need to stand here for this," Rae turned to walk back to the table, but was stopped by Finn's hand clasping into hers.

"Wait, Rae. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. It's just…I don't know. I haven't seen you in a year and you come back with this new look and new attitude. I didn't know what to think," Finn explained.

Now it was Rae's turn to examine Finn. For the first time she noticed exactly how many years had passed since they first met. Finn looked almost exactly the same, except he was a bit more rugged. He had a bit of stubble growing on his face and he seemed a bit taller as well. Despite the changes, he still had that look about him…the look she thought about so much; it was the look of sweet sincerity that never failed to warm her insides from head to toe. Finn somehow managed to look innocent and cheeky at the same time. It would drive her crazy on any given day.

"Listen, Finn, Aiden is the first guy in a long time that I've really liked. He's a sweetheart once you get to know him. You're my best mate, and I do care what you think….can you try to get to know him before you decide to hate him?" Rae pleaded.

"It's not that I hate him, he just doesn't seem to really know you. I don't want you to get hurt is all," Finn admitted.

"Listen, we don't have to talk about it now. Between my crazy mum and this crazy wedding, I'm really going to need you this week…so no more fighting. I missed you way too much to fight with you now," Rae smiled.

Finn smiled back, unable to stay angry in Rae's presence. He wrapped Rae in another hug, and they took their time letting go. Rae put a year's worth of hugs, smiles, secrets, and everything left unsaid between them into this one hug. Despite speaking nearly every day on the phone, there was something lost when Rae and Finn weren't in the same room together. She truly missed him, and judging from his unwillingness to let go, he missed her just as much.

"Come on, let's go back to the table. Who knows what embarrassing thing Chop is asking Aiden now," Rae joked. They walked back slowly, still hand in hand, in time to see Chop go red in the face. Aiden turned to look at the approaching pair, looking down at their joined hands.

"So Rachel, Chop here tells me that you and Finn used to go out? That's funny…you never mentioned it," Aiden asked in a mock casual tone.

Rae thought to herself, "Oh shit! What did I get myself into…."


	3. Chapter 3

The stare Aiden was giving her right now shot daggers through Rae. 'Perhaps I should let go of Finn's hand,' she thought. "What do you mean?" Rae asked unnecessarily trying to buy time.

"Well," Aiden replied slowly, "apparently you and Finn used to be a couple and I was the only one who wasn't aware of it."

"That was years and years ago," Rae explained. "It didn't seem worth mentioning." Rae noticed the tension in Aiden's face lessen, but she missed the clenched teeth and icy glare coming from Finn.

"Look, it's late and we're both tired from the long trip, so let's just go. We can talk about this later," Rae suggested.

"Fine by me," Aiden answered.

Rae quickly got up with an apologetic look to the group, and a glare at Chop. The car ride back to her mum's house was nearly unbearable.

"Why in the evil hell did you have to ask me that in front of everyone at the pub?" Rae asked angrily.

"Are you upset that everyone heard, or are you upset that Finn heard me?" Aiden retorted

"I'm upset because that was the first time I bring you around to my friends and you completely embarrass me by making the situation uncomfortable for everyone," Rae argued.

"So once again you're worried about how I made Finn feel? What about how I feel? I looked like an absolute prat while you and Finn were off doing God knows what, and holding hands. I had to find out you two were together from your moronic friend Chop? The knobhead's name is Chop, and yet he knows more about my girlfriend's previous relationships than I do," Aiden ranted.

"First of all, you haven't earned the right to call Chop a knobhead. Secondly, I told you Finn and I are just friends. We went out ages ago," Rae retorted.

"Are you saying I have no reason to worry, because every time I turn around you are on the phone with Finn, talking about Finn, or quoting every piece of advice Finn has ever given you? It was bad enough when I thought he was just your friend, but this is someone you've actually been in a relationship with. Obviously you see why that would be a bit disconcerting or you would have told me a long time ago. Do you still have feelings for him?" Aiden asked

"Listen, Finn and I have been through a lot together, and I care about him, but we haven't been a couple in nearly ten years. I know it seems like we're incredibly close, but I don't talk about him anymore than I would Chloe or Izzy or Archie. So no, you don't need to worry about it," Rae reasoned. They had pulled up to the driveway again, but instead of getting out Aiden turned to talk to Rae.

"Look, I hear what you're saying, but I need some time to think. People who are 'just friends' don't look at each other the way you two do. I'm going to stay at a hotel tonight to clear my head," Aiden finished.

Rae couldn't think of a way to talk him out of it; all she could do was nod her head before climbing out of the car. As Aiden pulled off she wasn't sure what to feel. She was sad he was leaving for the night, but angry that he didn't really try to understand. Rae had that conversation many times before with the guys she dated over the years. Her Stamford friends were incredibly important to her. They were there when she was recovering from the lowest point in her life. Rae partially understood why her previous boyfriends would single out Finn as being the problem, but he was her best mate. There was no way that she was going to completely abandon the person who understood her better than anyone just because a casual fling found him to be a nuisance. However, her relationship with Aiden was different. She really cared about him, and could possibly see a future for the two of them. Could she really risk her relationship with Aiden for Finn? Rae felt more confused than ever.

The next morning Rae called Aiden's mobile three times to see if he had cooled off from the night before. The first two missed calls should have given her a clue, but she only decided to give up after the third time. Today was Izzy and Chop's wedding rehearsal, and she certainly wasn't going to miss it. As one of the bridesmaids, Izzy would have murdered her if she even thought about not turning up.

Rae put on her best face before entering the hall where Izzy and Chop were to have their wedding rehearsal. She was surprised at how easy that was considering her fight with Aiden. Despite being upset that Aiden was angry at her, she couldn't deny how overjoyed she was to be back home with her friends. Rae nearly skipped up to an already giggling Chloe and Izzy.

"….just look at how cute he is though," Chloe was whispering.

"Chloe, he's a minister. Get a grip on yourself before you corrupt him just by staring at him," Izzy joked.

"Oh please, I can look as long as I don't touch," Chloe replied with a smirk.

"I swear Chloe, only you would try to hit on a minister," Rae chuckled. The three broke into fits of giggles when they were approached by Chop, Archie, and Finn.

"My goodness ladies. We're not here for 5 minutes and already you're causing mayhem," Archie teased.

"Alright Rae?" Chop began, "I apologize for last night and all. You know my foot and my mouth have never been separated. Sometimes I just can't help myself."

"Don't worry about it Choppy," Rae said pinching his cheek teasingly. "He had to find out sooner or later. Don't know why I didn't just tell him myself," Rae wondered aloud.

"Because if it wasn't that important, then why mention it?" Finn chimed in crossly.

Rae opened her mouth to respond to Finn's evident irritation, but before she could answer they were cut off by the minister.

"Alright ladies and gentleman. It's time to line up. Why don't we have the bridesmaids on the left while the groom and his best men head to the right," the minister suggested. If the wedding was half as beautiful as the wedding rehearsal, then Rae didn't know if she would be able to stop herself from crying. Izzy practiced walking down the aisle several times. The first few times were met with silly laughter from all six members of the gang, much to the minister's chagrin. However, the last couple of times were taken much more seriously. Watching Izzy walk down the aisle was a sobering experience for Rae; a couple of times she had to wipe mist from her eyes. She even caught Finn looking a little emotional before he caught Rae staring, and returned to his surly gaze. When Izzy and Chop locked eyes, Rae could tell there was no breaking their bond; they were made for each other.

Given the heightened emotion of the upcoming event, Rae couldn't help but to think about her own relationship. She really cared for Aiden, but there were so many times when they just weren't on the same page. Rae could be in a world of her own, and she didn't always feel comfortable sharing that world with Aiden. Then she thought about their most recent fight. Why hadn't she told Aiden about Finn a long time ago? Rae enjoyed the prospect of her 'grown up' relationship with Aiden, but there was something about her friendship with Finn that she just could never let go of.

As some of Izzy and Chop's family began to arrive for the rehearsal, Rae used the distraction to try and sneak out for lunch. She tried to grab Chloe, but she was still busy flirting with the minister. Archie stayed back to make fun of Chloe for being delusional. Rae looked over to Finn who silently agreed to lunch by nodding toward the door. Without a word they walked outside together as Finn handed Rae an extra helmet.

"Where do you want to go?" Finn asked without looking at Rae.

"Doesn't matter…we can go anywhere," Rae said.

"Alright, hop on," Finn ordered as he mounted his motorcycle.

Rae instinctively climbed on and grabbed Finn's waist for balance. "Oh my God. This is so much scarier than your old scooter," Rae exclaimed. Finn forgot his anger in one moment. "Just hold on tight, and it will be ok," Finn chortled. Rae quickly felt her anxiety melt away as they took off. While this was an entirely new situation than Rae and Finn's college days, riding around on Finn's scooter, Rae felt exactly the same as she had back then….free. At first, she held on tight to Finn for fear of tumbling to the ground, but quickly she loosened up and enjoyed the ride. Rae couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as Finn whipped through the streets of Lincolnshire.

They arrived at a quaint little restaurant that Rae assumed must have recently been built. After sitting down and placing their orders, Rae was surprised to hear Finn start the conversation. "You know Rae Earl, you might hold the record for being the only person in this entire world who is able to set me off and make me laugh a million times in less than 24 hours," Finn joked.

"A million times? It used to be 2 million. Clearly I'm not trying hard enough," Rae teased. "I didn't mean what I said to Aiden exactly," Rae began seriously. "Of course you meant a lot to me. You still do," Rae reassured. "It's just that, I didn't want him to be jealous of our friendship. In case you haven't noticed, we are a lot closer than most friends are. Maybe he shouldn't be jealous, but he's got a bit of a point; don't you think?" Rae questioned

"No, I don't think. If this is someone who claims to care about you, then he should understand…" Finn began.

"Come on Finn," Rae interrupted. "If we're going to be honest then let's be honest. Our friendship is a bit weird if you're on the outside looking in. We write secret messages on each other's bodies, we constantly give each other hugs, and we hold hands when we're out together. Hell, you know more about me than anyone. Can you honestly say that Amber doesn't find it strange? Everyone else does. Even our own friends make fun of us for being so close," Rae finished.

"I don't care what anyone else thinks. Look, I care about Amber a lot, and yes she does find it weird that we talk all of the time, but I've explained to her that you are a huge part of my life. I don't want to give any of that up. Do you?" Finn questioned.

"No," Rae admitted. "It just seems kind of selfish. Things used to be so much easier. Do you remember when you would come to visit me at University? You would stay for hours and hours; sometimes days. As much as I loved being up there, I never wanted you to leave. I felt so safe with you around," Rae reflected quietly.

"Every time I came to visit, I wanted to take you back with me. Lincolnshire was so empty without you there. It's like I needed to see you to remind me what it was like to laugh, and have a good time. I didn't know what to do with myself, but every time I even thought about asking you to come back you would look so happy with your friends from Uni. As much as I missed you, I couldn't stand the idea of you being miserable back in Lincolnshire," Finn admitted.

Rae grabbed Finn's hand under the table. "Did it ever occur to you that I looked so happy because you were around? It was so hard for me to leave you and go to University. It was such a difficult time for me to adjust. There were times over the years that I really struggled, but having you come visit me was like knowing everything would be ok…that I still had people who cared about me. I had a lot of fun in Bristol, but there was never anything that compared to our days in Lincolnshire. Besides, it must not have been that bad around here. After I finished Uni, you didn't come to visit me nearly as much," Rae accused half-jokingly.

"Well, it was obvious what was happening. You were starting a whole new life that had nothing to do with your best mate. I couldn't hang around Bristol if you and I weren't…." Finn trailed off.

"If you and I weren't what?" Rae questioned.

"….If we weren't together," Finn finished quietly.

Before Rae could retort, their food arrived. Although, Rae was glad for the distraction. She wasn't sure what to say. 'Did Finn still want to be with her? Did she still want to be with him? So much time had gone by, and they were both with other people. He couldn't have meant that, right?'

"So how are things with you and Amber?" Rae asked, awkwardly looking for a change of subject.

"It's ok. She's very sweet, but she gets annoyed with me a lot though. There's so much that she wants me to change; my hair, my motorcycle, my job, my home. She used to think all of those things were cute. Now we argue about them almost every day," Finn explained.

Rae nodded her head in both sympathy and understanding. "I know what you mean. Aiden is a nice guy and all, but sometimes it's like living with a dad. He's constantly saying stuff like 'Rae, you can't play Oasis at 3:00am; Rae don't spend all your money on concert tickets; Rae you can't call the postman a twat. I'm sure he's right, and he means well, but it's like…"

"He doesn't know you," Finn smiled at Rae.

"Yeah," Rae finished.

Finn was giving her that look again. The look that permeated her entire soul. Rae felt an all too familiar flurry in her stomach. Before she had the chance to blink, her lips were captured by Finn's. Every worry, panic, or second thought was driven from her brain as Finn's sweet lips devoured hers across the table. Rae had nearly forgotten what his kiss did to her as he softly cupped her face with both hands. Rae found herself utterly intoxicated by his scent, his taste, his warmth, and his touch. She could hear nothing but her own heartbeat as Finn's tongue caressed hers. Rae grabbed the back of Finn's hair to breathe him in even more. After what seemed hours they broke apart breathing heavily with desperate attempts for air. Finn pressed his forehead against Rae's refusing to let his hands drop from her face lest she disappear. Rae looked up into Finn's eyes attempting to tell him that they had made a mistake, but words were lost on her in that moment. Her heart melted at the look of hope, passion, and lust held in those big brown eyes that drove reason from her brain. All she could think about was Finn. She even thought she could hear his name being echoed through her brain…

"Finn? Finn? FINN?"

Rae and Finn were startled from their mutual immersion by a teary and confused Amber. Finn stood up quickly.

"Amber….I…I….uuhhhh, I don't know what to say," Finn replied dejectedly.

"No need to say anything. What I just saw speaks for itself," replied Amber as she turned away and ran out of the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Rae's eyes filled with tears as Finn sat back down. Finn saw the tears falling down Rae's now red cheeks, and attempted to hug her. Rae backed away shunning Finn's outstretched arms which, no doubt, offered comfort and love.

"Finn stop. Every time we try to do this, someone gets hurt. Whether it's you, me, Aiden, Amber, our friends…I'm always hurting someone," Rae stressed.

"Rae, this isn't on you. Amber is my girlfriend, and I should have talked to her before I kissed you, but I'm not sorry about what happened. I know how it sounds, but I care about you. I want to see where this goes," Finn admitted.

"We know where it goes. It will always end up with someone getting hurt. I haven't been back for a full day and already I am causing mayhem wherever I go. It's too much Finn," Rae whispered.

"Rae, please. Tell me you don't feel the same way. I've been waiting for these feelings to go away for years, but they only get stronger. Please don't go away from me again…I can't handle it," Finn pleaded.

"I'm sorry Finn, but I just need time to think. It's not that I don't want to be with you, it's just such a difficult decision to make right now. I need to go…"

Rae rushed out of the restaurant feeling sad, confused, and full of guilt. She walked three blocks before the weight of the entire situation caught up to her, and her mind started to race. 'Shit, I just kissed my best mate. Fuck me, now his girlfriend knows; I've destroyed their relationship. Shit, I have to tell Aiden. Will he have me back? Do I want him back? What about Finn? That kiss meant everything to me, and now I've walked out on him. I walked out him without a ride back home. Shit. Shit. Shit.'

Rae found a nearby bench on the sidewalk and collapsed onto it. For a while she contemplated who to call. She thought about calling Aiden, but she wasn't ready for that conversation just yet; she thought about calling her mother, but she wanted to feel better, not worse, about the situation. Ironically, the person that she wanted to speak to most was Finn, but she didn't know what to say after walking out on him at the restaurant. Finally, she decided to call Chloe; Chloe always knew what to say in situations like this. As she waited for Chloe to drive up, Rae wiped her tears to avoid the stares of passerby. It took Chloe less than ten minutes to pull up, and Rae immediately hopped inside.

"Thank you so much for coming. I don't know what I was thinking leaving the restaurant without a ride back," Rae began.

"Yeah, what happened?" Chloe asked. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but you look pretty upset. Just let me know if I need to beat someone up for you," Chloe offered.

Rae smirked, feeling slightly better. "Finn and I were at lunch…we started talking about old times….then he looked at me with those eyes…..and we kissed. Like a hard core make out session Chloe," Rae admitted.

"What? Finally! That's amazing Rae…so then why are you crying?"

"Well, before I had a chance to say anything about it, Amber walked in," Rae said.

"What did Finn say when he saw Amber?" Chloe asked.

"He didn't really say anything. Not at first anyway. After she left he said that he would speak with her, and that he wanted to be with me," Rae explained with a dazed look.

"What do you want Rae?" Chloe asked.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. Even though he's royally pissed with me, technically I'm still with Aiden. Aiden grounds me, and makes me feel like I should be more responsible. I've been trying to prepare for the day when we have to move in together and settle down," Rae explained.

"You don't have to do anything. It's alright to walk away from someone if you're not sure about what you want. Don't get yourself trapped in a relationship just because you're too afraid to walk away," Chloe warned.

"It's not that I'm afraid to walk away. What does it say about me if I am not able to make it work with Aiden? We have our problems, but I finally feel like I'm getting my life together. Ever since I broke up with Finn, I haven't had a relationship last more than 6 months. Aiden is the first guy since Finn that I've felt a connection to. It's not perfect, but we have made it work," Rae argued.

"Ok, and how does Finn make you feel?" Chloe prompted.

Despite herself, Rae found herself smiling. "Finn is just….huuuuuuuhhhh. It's actually hard to explain. Finn is the kind of guy that you always love. He's gorgeous, sweet, gorgeous, has that 'Rebel without a Cause' vibe, gorgeous, loves great music, and more gorgeous, but that's not all he is to me. Finn understands me, and he is always there when I need him. For a long time I hated so much about myself, but Finn has always seen the good in me. He makes me feel stronger than even I realize," Rae explained.

"I think you know what you want, and I can't tell you either way. Whether it's being with Aiden, being with Finn, or being by yourself, I just want you to be happy. Don't base your decision on anything else, but what's best for you. You know I will support you either way," Chloe replied with a warm smile to Rae. Rae smiled back appreciating for the first time in a long time why she and Chloe were still best friends. They were both their own version of disarray, but they knew how to pull each other out of utter chaos. Chloe pulled up to Rae's childhood home. They both noticed Aiden's car sitting in the driveway, and Aiden sitting on the front step. Rae looked out of the window still unsure of what she was going to say to Aiden. "Thanks Chloe. I'll see you tomorrow morning before the wedding." Rae stepped out of the car and waved goodbye before slowly walking up the driveway to Aiden.

"Hi," Rae said quietly. Rae looked down at Aiden, but could not read his expression.

"Hi," Aiden replied. After a few uncomfortable moments of silence, Aiden stood up. "Listen, Rae, I want you to come back to Bristol with me after the wedding."

"Aiden, please…stop I have to tell you something," Rae began  
"Rae, you don't have to explain. I've been thinking about it all night. Everyone has a past, and I get why you wouldn't jump to tell me about Finn right away, but I don't think that this is the right place for us to settle down…" Aiden explained.

"Aiden, just stop…" Rae said, tears starting to form in her eyes.

"You can move in with me. I know you just got a job here, but you could easily find another one back in Bristol. I want us to have a life together…we'll get married somewhere down the road," Aiden suggested hopefully.

"Finn and I kissed," Rae practically screamed.

"Wait, what?" Aiden asked confusedly.

"We kissed….about an hour ago," Rae admitted with tears streaming down her face. "It just happened. We didn't plan it or anything…we were talking and….I'm so sorry Aiden," Rae finished.

"I thought you were ready for something real. I thought you loved me. So that's it then? Do you love him?" Aiden asked.

Her mind raced with all of the things that she wanted to say to him. 'I care about you.' 'I want things to work out for us.' 'Let's move in together.' 'We'll run away together and live happily ever after.' There were so many things that she thought she should say, but she couldn't bring herself to express any of them. In the end, she didn't want those things at all. She wanted a stable life, but she couldn't have those things with Aiden. Rae looked at Aiden and saw the hurt in his eyes. She had to look away before she answered. "Yes, I think I love him."

Aiden looked away in anger. "Alright then. Good luck in Lincolnshire. I hope Finn can help you move all of your stuff. Goodbye Rae."

Without another word, Aiden climbed into his car and pulled off. Rae watched him speed off down the street. All she could do was take a deep breath, turn around, and head into the house. Rae passed her mom in the hallway. She could hear her mother speaking, but she could not register the words being spoken. Rae strolled up the stairs opened the door to the guest bedroom and collapsed on the bed. There were no tears, just a hollow feeling. Rae buried her head under her pillow to drown out any noise. She wasn't sure how long she laid there; it could have been a few seconds, a few minutes, or a few hours. Rae was vaguely aware of Karim and her mother peeking in on her a couple of times. Finally, Linda came in and sat next to her on the bed, and began stroking Rae's hair.

"Rae, I know you might not be up to talking right now, but I need to know if you're ok," Linda expressed.

Rae turned over to look up at her mother. She really appreciated how her mother could come in and be there for her at just the right time. "I'm ok mom," Rae reassured. "Aiden just left. We broke up. I told him that I kissed Finn…by the way I just kissed Finn earlier today," Rae confessed.

"I thought something might be going on. With Aiden not coming back here last night, and Finn being downstairs now, things seem a little topsy-turvy." Linda said.

"What?! Finn's here now?" Rae exclaimed.

"Yeah, he got here a few minutes ago looking very distressed. Are you here or should I tell him to piss off?" Linda asked.

"Yeah….I mean no! Don't tell him to piss off. Ask him to come upstairs. Never mind, I'll go talk to him myself. Rae rushed out of bed and down the stairs….

To be continued.


End file.
